


Pieces of Us

by waroftheposes



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: 5x12 reaction drabble, Angst, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 13:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3693291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waroftheposes/pseuds/waroftheposes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He wants to fix me, get the old me back, but…” Ian trails off, tapping his fingers against his knees, still looking down.<br/>“But?” Lip urges.<br/>Ian looks up sharply and Lip sees how hurt his brother’s eyes look. “I can’t Lip…” His voice is choking as he speaks. “If I don’t close myself off, it’ll hurt too much.”<br/>---<br/>Shameless 5x12 reaction drabble</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pieces of Us

**Author's Note:**

> It hurts, but I like the hurt. No Betas today because I wrote this in a sleepless haze.

Lip and Ian laugh together well after Frank is out of sight, but once it dies out, once there’s no father to make fun of, a heavy silence falls over the van.

“So… you broke up with Mickey, ha?” Lip forces out, looking closely at Ian for his reaction.

Ian looks away, his face twitching. He doesn’t respond.

“Uh… you think that’s a good idea?” Lip presses.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Lip,” Ian growls. He sounds more tired than upset, so Lip figures he can push.

“Look, I’m not trying to defend him or anything, but you know he uh, tried. With you.”

Ian looks at him, raising his eyebrow in a way that’s so familiar, it hurts Lip to look at him.

“Yeah,” Ian breathes, “I know.” He plays with the tip of his shirt, ignoring Lip.

Lip watches him silently, trying to figure out the best way to approach the topic. After a minute, he just decides to go for it. Ian will appreciate the honesty. “So, why’d you do it?”

Ian looks up at him, glaring. “I told you I don’t want to talk about it,” he hisses.

Lip nudges him with his fingers. “Come on man, I’m your best friend.”

Ian’s breath catches as he regards Lip, like Lip’s words have visibly hurt him. Lip figures they actually have. He and Ian haven’t been best friends for so long, they haven’t had time to even talk for so long, that making that claim is ridiculous. Lip knows Mickey is—or was—Ian’s best friend. He knows he’s hurt Ian with his words but as long as he talks, Lip thinks it’s a win.

“He doesn’t love me anymore,” Ian says quietly, looking back down at his sleeves. “He thinks he does, but he doesn’t. He wants to fix me, get the old me back, but…” Ian trails off, tapping his fingers against his knees, still looking down.

“But?” Lip urges.

Ian looks up sharply and Lip sees how hurt his brother’s eyes look. “I can’t Lip…” His voice is breaking as he speaks. “If I don’t close myself off, it’ll hurt too much.”

Lip pats Ian’s leg gently. “If you don’t talk about it, it’ll hurt even more.”

“There is no old me,” Ian says earnestly. “I’m me. This is who I am, and I’m not broken.”

Lip is inclined to disagree, but he refrains from speaking. He doesn’t want Ian to think he’s broken, doesn’t want Ian to think he’s broken even though Lip knows Ian needs to be medicated. 

“God, I can’t be with him when he’s in love with a different me,” Ian sighs, running a hand through his hair. “He doesn’t have to put up with my crazy, he doesn’t have to put up with the now me.”

And, there it is…

“That’s not really your decision though,” Lip says gently. “It’s his.”

Ian blinks, looking away from Lip again. When he smiles, it’s self deprecating. “Well I made it my decision,” he says and looks up at Lip. “You want to know the worst part?”

Lip nods, choosing to remain quiet.

“I wanna marry him,” Ian says with tears in his eyes. “Be with him forever.”

Lip closes his eyes at the words, the echoes of what Ian had said to him years ago. They were sarcastic then, but now they are so sincere it hurts to hear them.

“Yeah, but,” Lip says, opening his eyes. He attempts to smile at Ian, but what he manages is a grimace. “You’ll find someone else right?”

Ian snorts. “Won’t ever be anyone else for me,” he says and the tears fall from his eyes. He blinks but does not wipe them away. 

“Ian,” Lip begins but Ian interrupts him.

“I love him, Lip, need him like air,” Ian hiccups. “I love him so much it hurts. For so long I wanted him to say he loved me. He said it, but now, it’s just not enough.” Ian looks at Lip pleadingly. “Why is it not enough anymore?”

Lip doesn’t want to tell Ian that it’s probably his diagnosis, maybe the shit he’s gone through in the past year. He remains silent.

“I told you not to force it out of me,” Ian continues. “I’d done such a good job of suppressing it all.”

Lip hesitates only for a moment before apologizing.

Ian laughs. “Don’t says sorry, asshole,” Ian says. “Get me a beer.”

“Hey,” Lip says, reaching out to squeeze Ian’s shoulder with his hand. “It’s ok. It’ll get better.”

Ian watches him, his gaze difficult to read. “No it won't,” he sighs, looking down. “But what can you do right?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's 6 AM, I can't sleep so I wrote this. Come talk to me [here](http://nana-gallagher.tumblr.com/) on tumblr if you have an inkling.


End file.
